This is it.

Angel and I have been on 2 dates in person so far and we have officially become boyfriend and girlfriend.

Our first date was on the 27th, Sunday. He took me out for lunch at an Italian restaurant and then tea at another tea house in his neighborhood and that was when we met in person for the first time. It was a delightful afternoon during which he first kissed me on the sidewalk (no tongue action) and then again when he dropped me off at the subway station, and yes, with some tongue. He also held my hands when we were walking together.

That night, the Universe was working at our favor. There was a huge storm hitting the City of Rain and the city government declared an emergency day-off. Both of us thought it would be a great opportunity to hang out again on Monday because we work different schedules and it's really hard for us to go on dates during weekdays or to even catch up and have an unhurried conversation.

On Monday afternoon, after having lunch and hanging out with my family, I was en-route to his place. However, the storm was too heavy that they shut down parts of the subway and there was no way I could reach him. I asked him to cab to my place but he thought it was too risky for him to go out. Then I started to feel really upset and frustrated because I managed to go find him despite the storm and wasn't concerned about my personal safety at all but he, on the other hand, was worried about the feasibility and his own safety. I started to blame myself for being so easy and having such low-esteem. Then I started to wander off wherever the subway took me. I dropped by 2 places and had to return to the subway because the storm made it impossible for me to stand on the street for more than 10 seconds or to even just grab a taxi. The even more saddening part was that there were still many couples on the street while the man was holding up an umbrella with one hand and protecting the girl with another. That should have been me, or us, but it just couldn't happen to me. All of a sudden I started to feel really sad and angry. After spending almost 2 hours on the subway back and forth, I finally got home, completely drenched.

I took a hot shower and had a good cry in the shower. All those past traumas were resurfacing and I simply couldn't help myself. Angel said I could call him whenever I was ready. Some time in the evening, I did. First I told him how frustrated I felt under those circumstances and that I just cried in the shower. I told him all the images and thoughts I had; I made so much effort to meet him such as dressing up and traveling but in the end I got nothing and got home completely wet. I even cried in our video call. He told me that he was feeling terrible too and not being able to see me that day actually upset him more than anything else he had ever experienced with his dates before. He told me it wasn't that I had low self-esteem but that I was sweet, which he really appreciated. After some time, I could really see that he was feeling bad too and he was really trying to be there for me and cheer me up. I stopped feeling angry and we continued our conversation the entire night. It was a 6-hour conversation and guess what, the Universe worked for us again--the storm continued so Tuesday was also a day-off. However, the storm was gone by noon and Angel came to my place in the afternoon. We first had lunch in my neighborhood and then we made out at my apartment.

After we parted in the evening, he texted me that he put something in my purse. It turned out to be a handwritten love letter, which was something we talked about the night before. He mentioned that in college, when there was no email or cell phone, he used to hand-write letters to his first girlfriend. Upon hearing this, I told him to hand-write me a letter too because nobody does that anymore in the 21st century. I never had thought that he would slip the letter in my purse the very next day. So here's how the letter goes (and btw, his handwriting is terrible):

September 29, 2015

Dear KJ,

It's hard to believe we've only met in person once and that was just two days ago. The openness which we've brought out in each other and the closeness that has come with it is breathtaking. I've never experienced anything like this. I feel like each new thing we have or encounter deepens that; even the setbacks bring us together because we're on the same side and want the same things. It's both humbling (?) and exhilarating. Above all, it feels incredibly natural, as does being with you.

Somewhere in our six hour conversation last night (the longest I've ever had with anyone), you asked me to make a list of the nice things I'd said to you. I can't promise I'll remember everything, and actually I don't think that matters because I'm sure I'll keep finding things to add. But here it is for now (or at least a start)

1) you're really smart 2) you care about ideas 3) you're kind 4) you're thoughtful and care about the happiness of others 5) you're beautiful in your face, body, and heart (and I'm looking forward to being much more specific!) 6) you have a great sense of humor 7) you're eloquent 8) you have a wonderful warmth around you 9) you always share your best with me and that makes me a better person 10) you're confident without being arrogant 11) you're sexy in more ways than I can describe (and I'm looking forward to finding even more...) 12) you respect yourself and turn me on while still maintaining a wonderful innocent, I can't describe it either but it's really wonderful 13) you're direct and kind at the same time 14) more than being beautiful, you always manage to look good, whether you're dressing up or you've just woken up. I have much more that I can say, but since my train is about to reach you I want to make sure I ask this:

Kendra Johanson, will you be my girlfriend?

xoxoxoxo
Angel

And he drew a smiley face and a heart next to it.


On Tuesday night, I also hand-wrote him a letter:

Dear Angel,

Thank you for such a sweet surprise! I feel really touched (as always). I have never felt so secure and simple and at ease with anyone else before, which is something I truly cherish. So, my answer to your question is
YES! <3 p="">
PS. Your handwriting is indeed impressive!
e.g. #12 You respect yourself and turn me on while still maintaining a wonderful "imocurle"?

???

KJ
9/30/2015

I have told a few people that I feel Angel is the one. It's not saying that I love him already, but it's just that I can easily see that he's the one. It's exactly the kind of feeling that my relationship coach described in her audiobook. Angel is nothing like the kind of guys I used to go out with. He's brilliant, talks slowly, very tall and thin, and doesn't tease me. The guys I used to go out with enjoyed teasing me, talked very fast, and were bigger. For some reason, it's just so easy to be with Angel that I don't even want to keep dating other guys anymore. I just don't feel any insecurity with him at all. It's quite magical how it all happened so unexpectedly.

This time it is really different.

Again, I want to write this down before I meet up with him because you know, only three possible scenarios can happen after we meet up on Sunday.

So this guy--I'm going to call him Angel-- broke the ice on OKC about a week ago. He took the time to go through every detail of my profile and questionnaire.

"Thank you for liking my profile :) Anyone who mentions Austen, central banking, and 19th century German philosophy in hers is someone I'd like to get to know better. I also really appreciate your candor about communication and what you're looking for, since I feel the same way on boh counts. 

So, to get the conversation rolling, I'm interested in how you define faith since you mention being an atheist libertarian in one of your questions. As for me I consider myself a Buddhist atheist; that is I live by Buddhist philosophical principles but don't worship any sort of deity. At the same time like you I think people are innately good.

Probably not your typical first OkCupid message, but yours isn't the typical profile and it's so much better for that ;)  

Look forward to hearing from you,

Angel"

"Hi Angel, thanks for such a thoughtful message. I meant to reply to you earlier but I knew it would take me a while to answer all the questions. My philosophy in life is quite Buddhistic--like people and things are all connected and our feelings can attract things and people that reflect our inner state. On and on and on. I do believe in a natural force in the world and the universe that itself is very good at deciding for all living things. But I wouldn't call this force Buddha or Jesus Christ or some other religious figure. It's just still unknown to mankind but I can't deny its existence and its power.

So that being said, I kind of live my life by simply going with my intuition and wherever my feelings take me. That's why I believe in free market because I believe people should just let things be, let people be themselves, whether it's good or evil. That's just the way it is. No laws or regulation will ever stop bad things from happening. The only way to stop those things is to give more love to every child. But I don't wanna go extreme here.

Anyway, what brought you here and where are you from originally?

BTW do you play words with friends?

Kendra"

"Hi Kendra,

Thank you for your nice note and detailed explanation. What you say about a greater force makes a lot of sense to me.  

I was born in the City of Power and grew up there and in the City of Money. I see you have pictures from both in your photos.

I actually moved here from Jupiter where I was teaching English literature at an international school, which is also what I do here. What do you do?

I haven't played Words with Friends in a while, but wouldn't mind getting back to it :)

Have a nice evening,

Angel"

We have been chatting and talking and playing words with friends every day since then. He initiated contact every day whether it's text messages or phone call. The only problem is that we have different work hours--he works 9 to 5 but I work 6p to 10p. By the time I finish work he's already asleep. We could only manage to talk for 20 minutes after he finishes work before I go to work. But last weekend, we talked on the phone for hours before we fell asleep. I was suffering from menstrual cramps and stayed on the line with me until ibuprofen kicked in and I felt better. No one has ever done that do me since Ivan, but even that one time Ivan only stayed with me for about 20 minutes  until I fell asleep.

So here's what's really special about Angel: he truly wants to make me happy. He reads from my profile that I want someone who can talk to me on a daily basis so he does that even though we haven't met. He read through and remembers details from my questionnaire to find out what I like and he's planning our date around that. The most shocking part--and this is when power of serendipity actually feels creepy--is that we are so similar on so many things. Our philosophies are similar; we left finance/corporate jobs and became teachers. The longest relationship he had was with a virgin and most of his relationships ended within three months--and he's usually the one getting dumped, which is exactly my case and love history. We're 95% match on OKC and both of us have answered about 100 questions.

The most important thing is that I feel secure with this guy. I don't really have to worry about another woman entering the picture because I can feel he knows I'm special and is serious about me. I didn't have to hide the fact that technically I'm still a virgin because I could feel safe letting him know that and I knew he wouldn't be afraid of me being clinged onto him, because he wants to stay.

This really feels completely different from my other relationships before. Mars exhausted me. I felt so much overwhelming gloominess every time when he pulled away emotionally; I could feel it even without him saying or doing anything. I don't ever want to be in that kind of exhausting, difficult, and toxic relationship again. With Angel, I don't feel any worries at all and I can simply relax. I can also picture us counting down to the New Years in Sydney.

• 
  

Choose me for once.

Last Tuesday I had a good blind date with a guy whom I'd been looking forward to since I heard about him from our matchmaker. We had a good start and he made me cry when we talked about life and death and of course, my dog. He offered to drive me home because he wanted to chat with me more. After he dropped me off at home, I simply had a feeling that he wouldn't contact me again despite all the nice gestures he showed. Indeed, he told our matchmaker that he'd stay in touch instead of looking forward to our next date (which are the two options out of the three available after each blind date among which the third option is to never stay in touch).

Despite all these bad signals, people still thought I was being too pessimistic again. Prompted by them, I decided to take the intiative to contact him. His replies were brief and meaningless as if he didn't wanna talk to me at all. In the end I surrendered--removed him from my contacts and deleted our conversation.

Before we had our first blind date, I actually had a nightmare about him. Since we couldn't see each other's pictures in advance, I kept imagining a smart successful guy like him who would hire a matchmaker was probably obese and ugly. It turned out he was tall and fit, and indeed we were on the same page about life, serendipity in life, and how to live life. It was just that he wasn't into me.

Every man I've had a crush on this summer has been taken. This has been a meaningless, imaginary summer where I forced myself to indulge in work and take pleasure in work by imagining romance with some of my students. In the end, there was still no hope of love at all. But I have successfully earned the amount of money I aimed for.

I wish one of them could remember me, feel an irresistible urge to pick up the phone and call me simply because he misses our conversations, my tears, my laughter, my innocent sensitive heart that's different from all other jaded hearts in the world.