Only on TV

​I just started watching Can You Translate This Love on Netflix, and I’ve come to a sudden realization: all the images that I had about someone showing up for me came from movies or TV shows, and that’s why they never happen in my real life. In TV shows, when the woman is about to pass out, someone always catches her; when the woman is injured in the rain, a man shows up to keep her dry and protect her; when the woman is in an awkward situation, the man can intuitively sense it and wittily resolve the situation. That’s only in these shows and movies.

That’s why Ivan never showed up again in my life, why Eric never came to see me in the City of Rain in 2013, why Angel stayed at home the whole time while I was in the storm. There have been so many moments in my life where I wish someone could just show up and protect me—when random strangers criticized my children’s behaviors and my parenting, kicked us out of a restaurant while Angel was just sitting there and saying nothing, doing nothing, and watching me leave the restaurant with Little N alone, arguing multiple times with our school leadership about them dismissing Little O after only 9 days while Angel said nothing and was just sitting there the whole time, coming back to the City of Rain with a negative net worth and making every penny on my own on the streets, countless times of being bullied at work, countless sexist attacks on the road. When all of these things happened, Angel was always there but he did nothing. If I ever become partnered again with someone, he’s gotta be able to stand by me and protect me at least at some occasions. 

Then there was Ken. He showed up in the middle of the night in the City of Gold to pick me up from my hotel and to move into his corporate apartment so that I could save money and he helped me with my large suitcases. That night really made me feel for once that someone really showed up for me, but then on the other nights he showed up he was too messed up.