Complaint.

Last night I left the office at midnight, and it also made me realize how one should not trust people at work. None of my colleagues, who are mostly male, volunteered to walk me home, which is only five minute walk away from my office. Even one of the directors, who is female, told the colleague that volunteered to drive me home not to because I live nearby. These people are all very selfish and possibly, evil sometimes.

Fortunately one of the guards was kind enough to walk me home and I was very grateful. This wasn't the first time I left the office at midnight but I had Ivan for my last job. If I have to leave/go to the office late at night Ivan would usually accompany me. I guess in the world of an independent, strong, tough woman, I must assume all the selfishness and evilness of those people around me, even those who act courteously, generously to me. They will try to stab me in the back if chances arise. I must be careful, and the security guards are more reliable than these people with whom I work.

Wish I had a boyfriend right now who cared enough to pick me up at night. Why is having a boyfriend more difficult than making 1 million dollars?

Recently I've been trying to stay attractive again. Since I came back here I realized so many of my friends and relatives are pregnant or married or in serious relationships. As I have turned 25, I think I really have to put myself together and find another date.

Another reason is that I want to feel again. I want to know again what it feels like to care for someone unconditionally. I want to kiss again. I want to feel the rush of passion again.

Still another reason is that I am lonely. I am living in a city that's some distance away from my hometown and very far away from the City of Power. That means, I am away from both my old and new friends. I am all alone and new to this city. In addition, it's the summer. I am usually dating someone every summer. The summer is supposed to be fun, with lots of traveling, and I want to be able to find someone to have a good time with this summer...

First Week

My first week with this project has been fun and exhausting. I met up with several Forbes 500 people and I am catching up very quickly given my utter ignorance about the energy industry. I work over time every day and some other senior people are jealous of me (they don't have to tell me but I know) because I am so new to the project yet my responsibilities include the most crucial investments.

My supervisor is an interesting attractive guy, and he's only several years older than me. This suddenly reminds me the fact that I have been celibate for almost two years. Why does it still scare me to like a guy? Infatuation and jealousy are still so scary to me that I just give up very quickly. I have been fearless recently but only this matter scares me...

How long does it take for someone to move onto the next person? Is it possible that I will never be able to move on to the next one?