Bomb

X, I need you tonight. My company tossed a grenade at me today and I don't know how to deal with it.

So someone in the scheduling department sent me an email moving the dates of some classes in summer and fall; however, in one footnote, the administrator mentions that one of my classes on Saturday starting late August might be taken over by a new teacher if they have completed the preparation by then so "I wouldn't be so tired."

After reading the footnote dozens of times and sharing it with my brother and friend, I've been convinced that they are trying to find someone to replace me. Of course there can be other reasons, i.e. my workload is indeed too heavy at the moment, there are indeed too many people in my class, which reduces the effectiveness. But the idea that I can be replaced freaks me out. I feel extremely anxious and insecure.

So X, I really need to talk to you now. What does this mean to me? Should I start looking for a new job? Should I settle for a lower salary in a different industry? Or is it the universe's way of telling me to slow down my life and have more time for myself? There are many ways I can look on the bright side about this, but right now I feel pain and insecurity.

Am I getting less fluent and eloquent than before? Am I being dumbed by this job? Am I weaker and less attractive than before?  Whatever it is, I am feeling so tired of being strong and independent all the time. I'm just a girl. I really just want to be a girl. People in the 21st century don't like to hear this buy I want to depend on someone; I want to be safe and cared for. I am really so tired of being thrown away by life over and over again...