Couples.

I hate going out at night because couples are everywhere. Even the people I go out with are coupled. It is starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

My best friend Tin has a boyfriend now, which is quite unbelievable. She is 24 years old now and this is the first guy she has ever been with. How she met this guy is another more incredible story. Obviously online, but not through a dating/networking website. She posted an ad of wanting to find someone to play some online game with and there came this guy. They met up after they had already set their Facebook relationship status to "in a relationship". For me this whole thing is absolutely ridiculous, but then, it seems to be a blessing in disguise? To really think about it, she is definitely happier and less lonely than I am now. So, who's the fucked up one?

I have almost forgotten almost everything I have done with Ivan. Sometimes I even feel our 1-year relationship was really nothing. We didn't even have an anniversary. It was so fucked up. But tonight when I was centered in the crowd of couples, I saw Ivan in my mind. I saw that we used to do EVERYTHING together; I didn't want to go anywhere without him. The breakup was like amputating a part of my body. You don't grow a hand after amputating one, and how can you expect to grow a part of your heart after cutting off a part of it?

These days I brought up another conclusion in my mind. Since no love in the world lasts forever, infinitely, it's better to keep some things of actual lasting values throughout the relationship, such as diamonds, cash gifts, electronics, etc so it hurts your ego less when your partner breaks up with you.

I reason why I came up with this idea is because Ian wants me to help him on something which I am really good at. It's going to be a lot of work and I know he is using me. Thus, I told him directly that I am not doing it for free; he can either give me cash or buy me a new unlocked smartphone and I am pretty sure he will give me one of those. That is, I will have to be entirely professional and turn this into a business. It's time for my crush for him to end.

Yesterday I saw "She's Out of My League". It's not a great movie, but it does mention something that is probably true; most men who are self-conscious cheat, or, most men are self-conscious. I think all of my exes have told me that they were not good enough for me and hence they broke up with me or cheated on me. Is being too good my fault? Should I change and stop being a 10? Isn't there another 10 out there? I am pretty sure Ian is self-conscious, given his record of cheating on his ex-gf and fear to ask me out again. He's not the type of guy I want, although we always have lots of fun when we hang out.

I should also stop praying to see Richard again this summer. Several days ago, I asked him on Facebook when he'd be done with his degree, and he asked me "why" and never replied to my question. I didn't even bring about any clue that was remotely related to my wish but he chose to ignore my question immediately. Unless he already knew exactly what I was wishing for?