Big Hero, Ken, Kendra, Baby, Trip Planning, Loneliness

I just saw Big Hero 6 in 3D tonight and cried my eyes out again, just like what I did with pretty much every other classic animation movie. Is it because I'm an empathetic person that I feel strongly what others are feeling? Or is it because I've been through what they've been through? But in the case of Big Hero 6, I haven't lost any family members besides Baby so I can't say I've been through what Hiro went through. Why do I feel touched so easily?

I'm asking questions to which no one has answers. I haven't written for a while. I've been quite busy, and lazy. Lately I've been planning a 5-day trip to the East Coast with my parents because I've never been there but I've heard many good reviews about that region and seen so many unbelievable pictures of the nature there. It turned out most of the logistics and boarding there have been fully booked and it took me days to re-arrange a new route and find ideal transportation and housing. Now the itinerary is pretty much settled; I just have a few more tickets to book and the trip should go smoothly.

Besides the trip, my life has been quite the same. I miss Ken every other day; I imagine our wedding vows, our conversation as a married couple, the old times when we were together in the City of Gold, and sometimes I get angry at home. I feel angry that he just disappears like that and never thinks of me; I feel angry that he seemed to care about me but in fact wasn't. I feel angry that he has left me so confused.

Besides Ken, images of Baby also come across my mind probably every two or three days. It's less frequent that before but every time when those images show up, I break down into tears and can't control myself. I'm sure this is love. Love never fades; my love for Baby will never go away or be replaced by any other dog. She's unique, she's my one love.

I've come to notice something in those animation movies that move me deeply--all the successful teenagers grew up in broke families, usually involving the death of their parents. It's the same with Big Hero 6, How to Train Your Dragon, Frozen, Cinderella, Stardust, etc? Does that mean most people's success is driven by their separation and rejection from their parents? If that's the case, is success really success, or is it just a way people fight their loneliness and feeling of isolation?

Most heroes are driven by a cause, and that cause usually sounds bizarre. Hiro was driven by his vengeance and his frustration from being alone since he was a child. Hiccup was driven by his loneliness as well, the emotional void that came from not being understood by his own father and the absence of his mother. Take my academic achievement as an example, it was merely driven by my search for the ideal romance and love; studying and thinking somehow became a channel for me make myself believe that my reality isn't representative of what the world really is. I wanted to do well academically so that I could become independent from my parents asap and finally be free and be myself so I could meet the one. Sick, isn't it?

So no one is fucked up if everyone is fucked up in this world. I believe our culture, the Western culture at least, is encouraging independence from our parents. That why all these books and movies and legends involve characters who grew up in broken families. But none of these works has explored in depth the emptiness inside of all these characters. Yes, Elsa still has Anna but no man is gonna love her and spend the rest of his life with her. Hiro's only emotional dependence is his robot. Baymax is all he had. Is this something every human being should move towards? You see, all the movies also tell stories about a young man or woman going through adventures in order to find one companion in life, whether it's a dragon, a robot, or a sister. This is an obvious indicator that people today are very lonely. I am not the only one; I'm just the only one accepting, admitting, and learning to feel and live with it. People get angry at me when I am emotionally overwhelmed by loneliness, but I think that's a result of their refusal to face their own loneliness. If people aren't lonely, these blockbusters wouldn't have been so popular and widely acclaimed.

Please hold me tonight. I miss you so much.