The Past, Present, and Future

There have been so many amazing things between me and Michael. We see each other every day and both of us are quite exhausted by all the commute and staying up late so I haven't been able to write down everything. On my birthday, he gave me a journal with our initials engraved on the leather cover. He also gave me another leather keychain with our initials engraved on the inside. I felt so touched and cried when I opened the gift while we were getting a massage.

Things have been very sweet and we cling to each other. But there were a few things that made me cry. When he mentioned something that he did with his exes, I cried. He crashed at my place on Sunday night. I mentioned that my favorite movie is Stardust, and then Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight. Then he said that he saw Before Sunrise and Before Sunset with one of his exes, and I just cried. I felt so much pain and kept crying, even though he stayed with me and hugged me the whole time. Eventually I told him I didn't like those three movies anymore because Julie didn't show up at the train station as they promised and they never got married, although they ended up with two kids.

On Saturday night, I went to see him after work and we went to a dim sum place. We had a great time until he mentioned one of his exes and I cried. I can't even remember what it was now. It had something to do with sex so after I cried I told him why I hated sex. It was because I used to watch my parents have sex even though they were abusive to each other. He stayed with me the whole time too. But I healed quickly and we were as sweet as before.

This morning he asked me to go to the gym with him. I couldn't wake up in the morning because my sleep schedule has been screwed up lately. I was an hour late so the plan to get lunch also got delayed. I had to shower for a while and he got impatient. He planned to take me to a place for lunch and it closed at 2pm but I was too slow so the plan was off. I didn't know the plan in advance and he started to blame me. He was angry at me and said something hurtful. He said I was inconsiderate and I didn't plan things as a "we" and instead I was still doing things as an I. The worst of all, he called me a jerk. At first, I felt scared at his anger, and then I felt hurt and angry so I cried for 30 minutes. I said I was sorry at the very beginning but he didn't seem to hear it. He kept on arguing and I just cried. I didn't want to fight or win anything. Eventually we got cute and sweet again, but I was feeling so tired today. I thought about Ken, Ivan, and other guys. My past relationships were so short that I barely had to deal with fights. Ivan and I fought a lot but he always let me win. That was why before we were parted forever, he told his best friend that we would be happily together forever.