It's not love if it's short-lived and abusing.

Me an Michael are over. Five weeks in total. He continued to abuse me with words and his own sense of inferiority. I couldn't stand it anymore and he couldn't stand me anymore either. Here's what I wrote in the journal he gave me:

Love is everything. Love is more powerful than anything else in the world. It saves life, changes the world, and makes whatever comes in the way not scary at all. I believe in love. I have never seen it in my life but I have read hundreds of books about it, listened to thousands of songs about it. I want to live in a world where love thaws all the hardships, where there is no blame, no harm, no criticisms, no judgments. Just when I was about to give up on love, Michael showed up. He made me believe that dreams do come true and I am blessed after all. But it's a very short-lived story. I had never known love comes with so much hurt. I've become the child who used to watch how my father abused my mother verbally and physically, without any apologies, care, gentleness, and generosity. I believe it's not love. Love that comes with so many conditions and hurt is not love. I surrender. The universe forgot to make the other half of my pair. I am meant to be happy and loved in this world, maybe just not by one particular man. Even if it means I have to give up all of my worldly pursuits, I must continue my search of the world filled with love and pure hearts. 3/23/2014

Before this entry, the journal was filled with all the most romantic and sweetest words he had ever told me. None of those words were true.

I'm feeling really sick.