Why would I stop loving you a hundred years from now?

It's Only Time by Magnetic Fields

Why would I stop loving you
A hundred years from now?
It's only time
It's only time

What could stop this beating heart
Once it's made a vow?
It's only time
It's only time

If rain won't change your mind
Let it fall
The rain won't change my heart
At all

Lock this chain around my hand
Throw away the key
It's only time
It's only time

Years falling like grains of sand
Mean nothing to me
It's only time
It's only time

If snow won't change your mind
Let it fall
The snow won't change my heart
Not at all

(I'll walk your lands)
I'll walk your lands
(And swim your sea)
And swim your sea

Marry me
Marry me

(Then in your hands)
Then in your hands
(I will be free)
I will be free

Marry me
Marry me

Why would I stop loving you
A hundred years from now?

 

Love is such a mysterious thing, so is chemistry, hormones, and emotions. 5 to 10 years ago, I used to believe so much in reason, rationality, and atheism, but look where I am right now. I have changed so much in the past couple of years. The more I explore into myself, the more I realize how little reason can explain myself, the world, and the universe. I'm not becoming superstitious, but I do believe there is a higher power somewhere in the universe, but I wouldn't call this higher power Jesus Christ or other names of Gods in different religions. We human beings don't know everything. Not even close to everything. As I read the "Love" entry on Wikipedia, I also believe we know very little about our hormones and emotions, and of course, love. And yet, love, is such a central, magnificent topic in life. Without love, living is not living, and being is not being.

OK at least for now, I know I am someone who infatuates quickly. Maybe it's in my genes or something that runs in my family. People feel chemistry for me quickly too. Maybe it's my pheromones. I don't know. All I know is I am looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. I don't know what he looks like or what his being is like, but I know what our love will be like: I will never worry again anything I say or do from the bottom of my heart will push him away. When I miss him, I don't need to worry about making him feel yucky and stuff my sweet words down. I will be able to say everything from my heart out loud to him. When I cry, he will hold me in his arms rather than questioning me why I cry so much. I will do the same for him, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, until death do us apart.

I do miss Alex a lot. He was in the City of Richard this weekend for his MBA classes. Why do I like this guy? The very first time when I saw him I felt secure, because his body language told me that he was an introvert too. His friend that night, Andrew, whom I went on a blind date with 7 months ago, also showed significant insecurity in his body language but with tons of anxiety, kind of like Ken. Alex on the other hand, doesn't show any anxiety at all. He's brilliant but doesn't talk excessively, and he has an amazing voice. I like that. Honestly, after I first had a brief conversation with him, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He's not at all my so-called good-looking type; his mouth is quite big and I used to hate that in a man. But somehow, I see kindness in him, as if I can trust him completely. I peaked at him from time to time during the show but I just assumed that Andrew must have told him a bunch of things about me that made him never want to see me again. Fortunately, Andrew didn't, and I was able to tell Alex all my secrets that Thursday night.

I still feel so glad that he managed to find my LinkedIn after we first met. I thought serendipity would just shatter us apart again because he didn't ask for my number or anything. I'm glad I still have LinkedIn even though I don't have Facebook.

I must wait. There's so much chemistry at this moment but I now know it's temporary. I must wait until we form a solid, lasting love and friendship before we get sexual. Every marriage in my family has gone bad because of this. I want to see if we can be best romantic friends first before we get sexual. I want to know if we can show each other the deepest emotions of ourselves and still love each other before we get sexual.

It's not a test on him, but a test on myself. He's a great guy and I need to be a better person who loves and supports myself profoundly in order to write our love story.