Depression back.

After fasting on carbohydrates and sugar for 3 weeks now, I can definitely feel my depression back. It could also be my PMS.

This is my last week working with Ken. After I return to the City of Power I will probably never see him again. Weird. People who used to be with you for every second will all suddenly disappear from your life, usually forever.

Why does my life have to surround men? It used to be so much easier when I completely gave up on men; I did not care how much I weighed and my skin condition. I made no effort to maintain my appearance. But why am I doing so much now, for a man? Yet he does not really care.

How skinny and how hot do I have to be to make a man come to me? I used to be skinny and hot but it had never happened to me. It depressed me. Now I am dozing on sweets and getting fat and it still depresses me. It's really interesting how hormone can mess up with one's mentality so badly.

How can I not take these things personally? These men would do anything for other girls but never for me, even though I have always devoted more than anyone else. Where is my value? How can I be appreciated by one man some day?