The Cause Found.

Recently I read the new book by Gary Taubes and have been following the Atkins/Taubes Diet for 1.5 weeks now. It turns out a life without carbohydrates and sugar is beginning to depress me.

Therefore, I did a lot of research on the connections of fatness and mental state. Why did I gain 1olb over the past 2 years? Because I was depressed. Then I realized sugar and carbohydrates are able to make me happy, relaxed, confident, and workaholic. I began to indulge in those foods. I even became a member at Godiva last year; two years ago I barely consume any chocolates; four years ago, I even hated chocolate. All the dopamine and serotonin secreted by consuming these sweets have made me feel really satisfied about my all-work no-love life until recently I decided to attract Ken and lose weight.

I have indeed lost some weight after following the Atkins/Taubes Diet. However, it's been only 1.5 weeks and I already feel my depression back. This is because high-fat high-protein reduces the amount of serotonin and dopamine. In other words, a life full of sweets is equivalent to a life full of love because the amount of serotonin and dopamine released in my body is the same in these two different situations. This explains why I cried only once over the past year and why I couldn't drop a tear the day Richard left my apartment despite all the pain and sadness.

I think I'm going to cry tonight. I am having a good cry. I have only 1.5 weeks left till the end of the project and will return to the City of Power in about 2 weeks. I spent one summer with Ken and finally feel infatuation again after such a long time and now I'm leaving again. Maybe it's good for me to leave because Ken is occupied by someone else anyway.

A part of my life feels dead; perhaps a part of me is already dead. How do I resuscitate it?