My best friend in this city, Tanner, has just broken up with his four-year girlfriend. Basically the situation sounds more like his girlfriend dumped him, although he believes it was mutual.

We were just hanging out on a Sunday; I was trying to get him out of the blues and to eat. I just realized how lucky he is. Everyone in his family, all his friends are texting and calling him nonstop. His phone hasn't stopped ringing for a second. It reminded me of my breakup with Ivan. It was so painful but I couldn't really talk to anyone because I couldn't let my family know that I had a boyfriend and had my career ruined because of him; my friends were not really helpful because they were all way less experienced than I was. I was entirely on my own, and I can't even remember how exactly I survived the pain and depression all by myself. I think my dog Baby helped a lot, A LOT.

Since I can't quite remember how I survived the breakup, I think I am not helping Tanner a lot, although he thought I was awesomely helpful.

Interestingly, when I spent my winter holidays at Tanner's place with his family, I met his girlfriend for the first time and I knew immediately she was not the one for him. More frankly, she was not good enough for him. Because I stayed with Tanner's family and I witnessed how healthy and loving his family are, I could tell his girlfriend was not compatible in that sense, also in other aspects such as their professional interests and confidence and intelligence. I am not judging her because I think she's a genuinely nice person, but in terms of her relationship with Tanner, I know they were not meant for each other. Nevertheless, I have never told Tanner that, while Tanner told me today that plenty of people have already told them that they were not compatible while they were still dating.

It was the same for my relationship with Ivan. I've always been an alpha female while he was a beta. I wanted to be with a beta because I thought I would feel secure. It turned out the beta was insecure with an alpha and needed an even lower-level gamma around in order to feel better. I learned my lessons and am determined to find a truly compatible mate before jumping into the chaos.

Is Richard an alpha? I don't think so. His intelligence is definitely alpha, but he is genetically flawed; he has diabetic genes running in his family so he's overweight, and he began to bald at teenage. I believe these things have hurt his confidence and hence the need to fuck like a rabbit. Further, he is just as irresponsible about his life as Ivan. He has no career goals in life, although he doesn't live off from his parents any more. I mean, I don't even know what I want to do in the long-run, but I have things planned out financially and time-wise. I know when I am going to pay off my debt and how much money I need to save within the next 4 years; I know when I am going to buy a nice car and eventually a house. Richard doesn't, nor does Ivan. These people are not good enough for me, I am convinced.