The Pain.

It's so painful that I don't even know how to write about it. I can only sum up in a few words:

The one you love is right next to you but you can't touch him, think about him, desire him, or be with him.

For the past five years, I could not laugh like what I did last night; only Richard can make me laugh like that. It's usually me making myself laugh hard rather than someone else; but Richard, only Richard's intelligence and awkwardness can make me laugh. Why isn't there another Richard in the world who can be with me and have a future with me? Why does life have to be so unfair?

Today I was walking in downtown and found this funny 3D card that says "I f*cking love you!". I was thinking about if I should put it in his luggage so he would see it after he leaves my place. But now I am hesitant and scared; what if he doesn't appreciate it and finds me crazy?