Older.

One year. It's been one year since I became single.

The cruel reality that comes with this new year is that I will turn 25 very soon. It scares me somehow. 25 is a big number; as soon as you reach 25, you will reach 30 easily.The past 5 months have been incredibly fast, and I expect the next couple of years to run this fast as well.

I am happy this way. I'm more than fine with my career. Fairy-tale TV drama and movies have become extremely ridiculous to me. I can't get myself to fantasize about any romance, any man, even if I try to. This feels good, although the only disadvantage is that I have less motivation to lose weight.

This winter holiday has been very quiet. The City of Power is completely empty. I had no money to go anywhere for vacation or back to my hometown. All of my friends and colleagues have been out of town, and even my apartment building has been quiet, which I guess is good because the elevator makes a lot of noise.

This year I was physically intimate with only two men. One was my best friend from childhood Ian, and the other one is my college classmate and now colleague JJ. Ian is nice; he could not be with me because he knew that he is not good enough for me and would definitely disappoint me. JJ, on the other hand, is just selfish and possessive; he is not breaking up with his girlfriend while he got jealous when I told him Richard is going to crash at my place. It bothers me to see his saccharine messages with his girlfriend on facebook.

Richard, still remains a mystery. We're still not really communicating with each other. It's probably because I never sign onto any chat platforms. Still, he has my phone number. If he still cares that tiny bit about me, he could have called. We haven't talked to each other on the phone for at least 2.5 years. Maybe I am just a free housing provider for him after all.

I have finally come to fully acknowledge that this world is full of hypocrisy. There is no single type of relationship--friendships, romantic relationships, kinship--that is genuinely unconditional, except for the one between me and my dog. This is the price for growing up.