Irrelevant.

Tonight I am particularly upset. Mostly because I just realized that it's been exactly one year since Ivan and I last saw each other. Exactly one year ago, he promised me that he would never leave me and that he would visit me yet he failed to do any of those two.

At the airport, I looked back again, because the security guy told me to. He smiled and waived, and I did not wander around because I was very certain that we would see each other soon and be together again. I felt no insecurities. We continued talking on the phone after the security check point. He was my soul guardian. Everything was going to be fine with him around, no matter how difficult things were. We kept talking until the airplane was about to take off. I turned off my cell phone, and began crying under my blanket.

It has been one year already. The same time last year, there were so many promises made, so much hope left. Now, I am only lonely, empty, soulless, and filled with hatred for Ivan. He doesn't reply to any of my emails now so apparently, he doesn't care if I die now. Sometimes I feel that our relationship was an illusion. I can barely remember what he looked like and all the romantic moments we had were not real. Those moments feel like my fantasies now because if someone actually loved me that much only a year ago, how could he not care about my life at all? This doesn't make any sense at all.