Ahh so fucking stupid!

I just got all of my courage and rid of all my ego and told Ian that I liked him a lot. Obviously we all know what happened next. Blatant rejection. It was my first time to spit out the words though; I have never done that before because usually I can conclude correctly by the guy's actions.

Why would I do something so stupid even though I already knew it was going to be a rejection?

I feel sad, but again, I can't cry at all. I really want to cry but I just really can't. Is this some disease?