Fat.

I am gaining weight again. Fuck. I have come to this conclusion that my weight has a lot to do with my love life. If I am infatuated by someone, I lose weight very quickly and get skinny; that is, if I don't have a crush on anyone, I just gain weight.

Obviously, a part of me is giving up. No one guy interests me at the moment. I mean, I still fantasize men when I need to, but those men are just completely irrelevant to my life, such as porn stars or celebrities. You may see me write a lot about men I like, but in fact I have secretly given up on "desiring them" so it makes me feel better about myself if they don't like me back.

I am pretty sure the relationship between my weight and love life is an evolutionary thing: as women have the need to attract a desired mate, they need to look better to secure their mate.

Oh man, this is bad. I haven't been this fat for 5 years. Now my BMI is definitely more than 21 now. This is really bad. :(