He's out of my league.

I have met this guy JJ. Actually we went to the same college and majored in the same thing, but we were in different social circles so we never had a chance to be acquainted with each other. However, recently we started our contact via Facebook because we're both moving to the City of Power and beginning our new career at the same institution. We have hung out a couple of times; we watched a World Cup match once, and he threw a party at his multi-million dollar mansion last night. Surprisingly, I find him incredibly charming and humorous, not to mention he was a much better/smarter student than I was back in college. (He was a frequent winner of the Dean's Award while I had none.)

Nevertheless, he currently has a girlfriend now. They have been together for more than 4 years and they have been in a long-distance relationship for more than 1 years. After moving to the City of Power, their long-distance relationship will continue. I wonder what I need to have in order to make guys like JJ to love me.

JJ is super rich (as I have previously mentioned he lives in a multi-million dollar mansion), tall, good looking, extremely intelligent, humorous, personable, and charming. Basically, he is the perfect guy for every girl. So far I haven't seen anything in him that annoys others. In fact, I'm starting to believe that to be his girlfriend is not something you can strive for; you can only pray for it because it is purely luck, like winning the lottery. Last night at his party, several girls were trying to hit on him already (because his girlfriend was absent). Those girls were trying to touch his body, get him drunk, get themselves drunk, go to his bedroom, this and that, whereas I didn't drink a all. I also brought a large delicious Tiramisu and decent red wine to his place, while most people brought only cheap beers or empty hands.

I was gambling with some guys, and we eavesdropped a conversation between a girl and a guy that the guy asked the girl if she was JJ's girlfriend, and she replied, "oh if you think so I don't mind at all!" I thought that sounded just cheesy, but she was kind of drunk then; I also overheard that she has just been jaded from a past relationship. OK this is off the topic LOL.

I admit. I like JJ. My heart beat faster when he hugged me. I also like his mansion; it is almost like a palace with 24-hour security who opens the door for you even at midnight. But then, we all know clearly that he is not going to fall for someone like me. I am not comparable to him in any way, not even in my appearance. Richard pursued me because I was the hottest option he could ever have, but in this case, it is quite objective that JJ is even better looking than me. The only way I am better than he is that I am a virgin and he is not. LOL. Actually I still don't see how that makes me win. Everybody adores him, and every girl wants him. I could say he is my type--he is someone who can make me proud when walking next to him.

Yeah, recently I've been thinking about what "my type" is. I actually do not have a physical preference, because I've been with fat, skinny, tall, short, dark, bearded, bald, almost all kinds of looks. But I am concluding that if someone can make me feel proud when being next to him, he is definitely my type. Indeed, out of all the guys I have been with, Richard was the only one who made me feel that way, even though he was ugly. Sometimes Ivan made me feel that way too, but I am forgetting everything now. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder if this is because of my low-esteem that I need something external to feel proud. Imagine if I actually dated Jes who is good looking but dropped out of high school, would I even be happy? I don't know. Would he be a hidden shelter of all my weaknesses and make me feel content or would he just embarrass me everywhere?

Accordingly, would I embarrass JJ everywhere if he and I were together? He has a social network of the richest, most educated and famous people in this place. Would they be talking about some luxurious lifestyle that I have no clue of? I have confidence in my knowledge and the education I have received (which is equivalent to JJ) but would my courtesy and etiquette be good enough for JJ's social and family life?

So there, I am hopeless again. I shall consider him a competitor because we are going to work in the same environment and specialize in the same thing.