Wedding in Bali

X, where are you? I've been coughing so terribly that I might have pulled my stomach muscles. I need you to be here with me.

I enjoy checking out wedding videos on Balimetro Digiart. It makes me wanna have my wedding in Bali and hire them to make one of those super romantic videos for us. But I also feel triggered in many ways whenever I watch those videos: How am I gonna find so many friends to be my maids of honor or give a toast at the banquet? Will he agree to have such a wedding with me in Bali? Do those people mean it when they exchange their vows? Honestly, I cry every time when I hear a couple exchange their vows. Is it true love between them? Do those girls have a loving father so that they can find their true love?

Eric came across my mind tonight. I want to know if he's married now. I recall the stupid moments when I kept imagining him showing up at the airport because he said he was going to visit me. I teared up so many times upon imagining it. But it never happened. He got a girlfriend before he even gave us a shot. I feel so stupid every time when I think of how those men just forget about me like that. It really makes me hate myself as if I'm worthless and unmentionable. How can they just forget about me like that? They said and did all the most romantic things on earth to me and yet they just disappeared like that. Am I really not noteworthy or mentionable at all?