New Birth

My cousin Love just gave birth to another baby boy today. She's got two kids now. I felt a bit dread when I went to visit her at the hospital. I was afraid that I would run into Ken again like I did when Love gave birth to her first baby girl. Fortunately I didn't; unfortunately, I feel so much sorrow about us again.

Love told me that the girl that Ken came to visit her with the last time is marrying the guy she has been dating and will move out of the country soon. She asked me if I was still in touch with Ken and I said no. I feel twitches in my heart upon hearing his name and even more pain when I tell people that I am no longer in touch with him.

I cried a few times today and yesterday listening to the Backstreet Boys, especially the song "As Long As You Love Me". I bought a VIP package to their concert in just a couple of months. It was pricey but I was like, whatever. They went through my teenage years with me when I was struggling, suffocating, and lonely. Last time the universe gave me free tickets to their concert; this time I have the money and I'm buying the whole package myself. I'll be able to meet them in person and have a picture taken with them. I feel super excited to be a teenager again, but I also feel so much sadness that all the faith in love their songs brought me is now falling apart.

But anyway, Ken, love, and stuff. I am so tired.