Thankful

Today's my 29th birthday, but I kinda feel like I'm 30 already because if you count the time I spent in my mom's womb, I'm pretty much 30.

This number is terrifying, but I'm thankful for a lot of things. Last night my aunt took me to a nice restaurant to celebrate; today my another aunt made me lunch and the whole family gathered together for me. My mom got me a really fancy cake. There were so many kids in the house. My uncle gave me a phone call and sang me a happy birthday song. I'm very grateful for everything. They make me feel so happy.

I caught the flu on Wednesday. In the morning I went to different places trying to find a repairer who could fix my phone. A really nice guy did a lot of work but it seemed like the motherboard was dead and replacing it would cost me a fortune. After that, I went to renew my lease with the telecom and got a new iPhone 6. I still feel distressed thinking about the whole incident. I went to work in the evening. After work, I felt weak and the flu overwhelmed me.

That night, I felt so much pain (body aches) and fever. I was feeling hot and cold at the same time. Then I burst into tears and this time I was really sad. I was almost screaming because I was going through so much physical pain; I thought if this was so painful to me, I could not imagine the pain that Baby went through before she was gone. I simply lost it upon this thought. Then again, I realized how lonely and alone I was. There was no one to take care of my in times like this. I wish Ken could be here; I wish I could call him for help, but I couldn't. He'd say no anyway.

I'm still feeling sick today; I've got sore throat, coughing, and stuffy nose. I haven't had any fever or body aches since that night but I should have recovered sooner. Today's my birthday. The first image I had in the morning was Ken kissing my cheek while I was still asleep asking me if I was feeling better. I couldn't talk because of my sore throat but I nodded and held his hand and put it on my left chest, right above my heart.

No, of course he didn't remember my birthday. None of the men did. I saw Jes online on Skype for the first time ever today but he didn't send me any message or reply to my salutation. Somehow I really wish I could talk to him again freely, like what we used to do before he was married. But everything's different now. He's the only person I feel comfortable showing myself fully but he's long gone too...