Do you miss me?

On Tuesday, Frank texted me at night telling me that he wanted to watch a movie with me at my place. I knew very clearly what that meant but still went with it anyway. On top of my head, simply because I hadn't kissed anyone for almost six months. Being celibate has been unbearable. I told him that I wanted to watch a romantic comedy, which he hates. He rented Delivery Man and came to my place a bit before 11pm.

We didn't talk much, and we don't talk much. The first time we met we exchanged probably less than 10 lines before we kissed, although prior to that, he was giving a teleclass to someone and I listened to it. He's a thoughtful person, but doesn't talk much. In fact, I find him sensitive enough to notice all my subtle expression of feelings and emotions, but he doesn't deal with it well. I messaged him when I was feeling upset about my parents' situation but he just ignored me.

So when we were making out, he asked me if I missed him. I said I was going to tell him. He pushed again so I said yes. He said he missed me too but also missed my body. Then he said he was going to do something crazy and asked me not to freak out. He went down on me, which I didn't find that crazy. It was quite adorable that he assumed I would find it crazy.

After making out, he didn't spend the night with me and we haven't talked since then. I told him that I wanted him to take me out some time and he always says sure, but never does it. I should be smart and experienced enough to see that he doesn't care. Maybe I do see that but I just don't want to admit it. Because, if that's really the case, what do I have left? No one. I haven't touched anyone for almost six months. It's the slightest consolation I can get knowing that at least one guy has missed me.

Do you fucking see this? I just want to know if you miss me. Ken, Frank, Alex, JJ, Cato? Have I come across your mind at all? Do any of you miss me?

However, I'd feel devastated only if Ken told me that he didn't miss me.

Where is fucking Ken? I find myself unable to live in a world where Ken doesn't love me.