Kids, of my own

I love kids. But recently I've been extremely impatient with my adult/teenager students because I'm feel angry every time when I have to answer a stupid question (seriously, something that's so basic like the rest of the class of over 100 could get it and yet these few couldn't, and now they'd like to continue with their grad school degrees?) or a question that's pretty much asking for a cheat sheet to these aptitude tests. I'm so fed up with stupid, lazy people. If you're stupid, work harder. Don't fucking just ask for other people to get things done for you or cheat your way out of it. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with higher education these days?

Nevertheless, I understand everyone is doing this for their basic survival--because they're so stupid that they must cheat in order to look "normal" like the others who are highly educated. But again, I'm pro-evolution so if one doesn't fit, then they're out.

OK, so back to kids. I love many of my students, but they're not my kids. There's always a distance between me and them. I think the whole idea of "paying" for education is creating the distance between us. My salary depends on these students' tuition, doesn't it? In a way, they are my boss, well, partly. Because there's money involved, I can't always speak the truth.

I think it's time to have my own kids. Every time when I watch Modern Family, I can't help but crave the stability and warmth in those families. They always work things out, pat each other on the back and move on. Haley is about three years older than Alex, who is also about three years older than Luke. I like this age difference, because the older baby is old enough to understand a lot of language and manage their own behavior. But if I want four kids with that kind of age difference, the first baby should have popped out at least three years ago. I'm nowhere near that. I haven't even had real sex yet.

Dear X, I miss you so much. I'm gonna cry again tonight and please respond.