I wish I were afraid of death.

Recently my family have been concerned about my safety because the paparazzi have found out that the shopping mall downstairs built a pipeline that goes across my condo, which means there's a chance of gas explosion if anything goes wrong.

But I simply couldn't care less.

At this point in my life, death doesn't scare me at all because I have no family, no life partner. You see, X, if you were here right now, I would have been so scared of death because I wouldn't be able to stand a minute without you. There would too many things I'd like to do with you for the rest of our lives, things that might take more than the rest of our lives to complete. I would be so obsessed with longevity so that we could spend more time together. By more I mean, there's an infinite want for me to be with you, which makes a hundred years of life scarce for my want. 

Now, life seems too long to me. I don't know why I'm working so hard to save money for our family when I don't even know where you are, who you are. Why would I care so much about getting ready for our family when no one is there to hold me? Are you working as hard as I am to get ready for our family? Are you as alone as I am at this moment? Or are you actually in another woman's embrace and having a good time?

Gosh I hate you already, dear X. If you're not suffering as much as I am right now, I might not be able to treasure you when we actually meet one day. Because, I have always assumed that you're somewhere, struggling as much as I am to get to me one day so that we will cherish so much whatever we will have together. We will both know profoundly how rare and invaluable our love will be and never waste a second when we're together. 

Where are you tonight? Are you crying for the intermittent pain that twitches your heart tonight? I am. If you are too, I wish we could embrace each other right now and say to each other, "It's OK now. We'll never be apart again."