The Fault in Our Stars

"I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."

I just went to see this movie today. I cried for the entire duration of the movie and I just wished that Ken could somehow come across this movie and realize, finally realize, how fragile and transient life is and we should seize the present in each other's embrace.

I've been reading Ann Patchett's short essays collection "This is the story of a happy marriage." In the essay of the same title, she writes, '"Does he make you a better person?" was what she asked me, and I want to tell her, Yes, with the full force of his life, with the example of his kindness and vigilance, his good sense and equanimity, he makes me a better person. And this is what I aspire to be, better, and no, it really isn't any more complicated than that."

Ken, of course isn't an emotionally composed person. But he makes me a better person in a different way. He makes me feel secure on top of all. His every meticulously thought of action of kindness and care is equated by none. The time we had in the City of Gold was an accident. I was preoccupied by my job hunt and never thought so much chemistry would grow between us by so much, so quickly. When I'm with him, I never worry about him thinking about other women. I know he's been dating other women but it doesn't make me insecure, simply because, he's always happy and relaxed when we're together. I trust that smile every time when he sees me. I trust his every action of care, and maybe love. Or am I simply crazy, like Jay Gatsby? Is it because I've been given the extraordinary gift of hope? No, I trust Ken, because I see myself in his eyes. I feel myself from his vibes. It just feels safe when we're together because I've never felt like I know someone so well without any explanation. I feel myself in him and I know how he feels. That smile, with a hint of nervousness and shyness, doesn't like, because that's my smile too.