Lucky 7 Note

Last night I was so dehydrated because I cried so much. I had a lunch interview for a non-profit part-time job and the employer's attitude simply irritated me. I was feeling very angry and frustrated about my current situation so I called Eric in the evening.

He called me back while driving back to the city from work and the signal was bad so I asked him if we could meet in our neighborhood. We met up at 9pm in my neighborhood cafe and then we started to talk about life, our families, work, and happiness.

It turned out Eric was unhappy too, even though he has a very decent job. He said 95% of the time he's unhappy, which is much worse than my case. I felt like giving up on this country and move back to the City of Rain. I felt if this place loved me it should not have almost killed me so many times.

Eric should have gone home after an hour or two, but he stayed and chat with me on my front porch past midnight and his girlfriend was texting him a lot.

He offered me his coat on our way home because I was feeling unusually cold, which felt incredibly sweet to me. I cried so many times throughout our conversation. Sometimes it was because I just felt sad about my situation while other times it was because he wasn't happy. Nobody is happy in my life; in fact I might be the happiest person in my network. Just the thought of this makes me sad. Before he left he gave me a big hug and I gave him a bigger hug. Then I cried again and said, "you're not happy; I always thought you were much happier than me." He sobbed. Yes, he sobbed. He is the second man in my life who cried in front of me. The first one is Ivan; he sobbed a little when I got fired in the City of Extremity. Eric is the second one, and we are not even dating. Then he said, "why do you think I need this conversation with you if I was content with what I already have in my life?" I replied jokingly, "Because I am awesome. I provide unique perspective to the world and life." He laughed and said, "If you're leaving you can't leave without saying goodbye." I said, "Of course not. You're like the only friend I have in the City of Gold." He continued, "How about fucking Ken?" I said, "I can always see him in the City of Rain."

I sensed some jealousy in Eric against Ken whereas Eric has a girlfriend with whom he lives for 5 years. At the moment I don't think he has the courage to break up with his girlfriend to chase me. If he were single, I actually feel Eric is more emotionally mature than Ken and I'm more able to be entirely myself in front of Eric. With Ken I can still be myself, but his frequent shut-offs make me afraid to open up sometimes.

Last night Eric said, "the only thing that doesn't change in life is change itself." Ken said the exact same words to me just a few weeks ago. I said to Eric, "as well as unconditional love." Only if we know what it is.

1. I feel so lucky to have Eric in my life.
2. I feel lucky that another friend of mine called me to check on me.
3. I feel so lucky that Ken has been helping me print stuff in his office and he checked on me today as well.
4. I feel lucky that I just sold me cigar case for triple the price I got it for originally.
5. I feel lucky that I am going to vacation in the City of Water Mountain tomorrow and meet this company for a job position. The City of Water Mountain is like a paradise to live in.
6. I feel so lucky that Ian hooked me up with this opportunity in the City of Water Mountain.