Forgive Myself and Everyone

Since my resignation I have been more often unhappy than happy. It is because I have been feeling so guilty. I feel guilty to my family, my friends who made the introduction for me to that job, and somehow I even feel guilty to my boss even though he fooled and lied to me.

I also feel afraid because I need to find a new job as soon as possible otherwise my dream will be all over. I will have to go home and everything will be gone.

Therefore I need to forgive myself and everyone, although I need to be forgiven before I can forgive other people. Objectively, I do feel happier now than when I was working for a charlatan because I am true to my own values. Quoting Robyn in How I Met Your Mother at the end of Season 6: Yes the future is scary but you can't go back to the past just because it is familiar.

The uncertainty for the next couple of months is scary and crucial to the rest of my life but I am not going back to the past three months when I was constantly feeling anxious and disagreeing with my boss's ethics.

I have finally come to a realization that it is so important that I like my job, regardless of the economic rewards. Rich people around me say this to me all the time but I was never able to understand it and assumed they could say that only because they already had the money. Now I see how this makes sense: while we are awake, we spend at least 60% of our time working and thinking about work and if we are not happy for majority of our time, we will not succeed in our career and be happy with all other things in our life. If I can feel happy and fulfilled during the majority of my time, I am certain that my life overall will be uplifted; wealth and love will be attracted by me.

Now the key is to figure out what I have passion for. I was in renewable energy finance, which was something I chose based on popular opinion. I am not making that mistake again; I must trust my own independent judgment.

Then I came across an old article by Saif: http://lifepsychologyandalotmore.blogspot.com/2012/03/self-realization-and-career-development.html

Out of all the 9 intelligences, I have:
1. Linguistic
2. Logical-Mathematical
3. Spatial
4. Interpersonal
5. Intrapersonal
6. Existential

But that's too broad; most jobs in the world only require really deep expertise in one or two of these intelligences. My problem is that I am intelligent in many things but not deep in one thing.

Nevertheless, when I think more about myself, linguistic intelligence is definitely my number one advantage. It is also something that most people notice about me during first impressions. I have been thinking about having a career in diplomacy, which is in line with my degrees and skills. The difficulty is that my citizenship status gives me no room in diplomacy on a governmental level. I can pursue this only through the non-profit sector or the private sector that is doing business internationally. The latter has been very competitive; all the established multinational corporations are receiving too many top-tier MBA resumes with much more experience than mine.

I intend to forgive myself, trust my judgment, and forgive everyone else. I believe things will work out for the best. Everything that has happened to me is meant to lift me to a better place in life.