The Wait

The wait to hear back from someone else's decision is the most painful. Yes, right now I am referring to other people's decision to hire me. A couple of days ago, I finished a pint of strawberry ice cream within a day, and my weight now has increased from 120 to 125lb. I tried to divert my attention from the wait and suppress those negative emotions including fear. I must pay more attention to my anxiety and nervousness now. The wait is painful but the best way out is through, even if that means I have to cry every day. If infants can cry every day, why can't adults do so?

Scientists say infants cry because they have only two ways of expressing emotions--crying and smiling; it is also a way for them to exercise and burn calories. Do we adults really have more than 2 ways of expressing emotions? For example we scream or smash things when we get angry, but don't tears naturally follow the scream or smash? At least that's the way it is for me. In my own case, for any of my negative emotions to go away, I must have a bout of cry, even if it's fear, nervousness, embarrassment, frustration, jealousy, insecurity, not to mention grief. All these negative emotions morph into sadness, and therefore tears. Looking at emotions this way, human beings are in fact very simple because the same logic applies to positive emotions. All my positive emotions, such as excitement--wait, I can only think of a couple of positive emotions!--directly lead to happiness. Then I smile or laugh, like an infant. In essence, my emotions are nothing different from a baby's!

Suppose other people's emotional morphing process is the same as mine, why do we have so many different words to describe negative emotions and so few words for positive emotions? Perhaps it's because we human beings are so afraid of showing sadness (and anger too). For example, we often say, "I'm not sad, just frustrated", or "I'm not sad, just nervous." Oh wait again, the second one doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm sure most people can feel nervous without feeling sad, whereas for me, after feeling nervous, I feel sad because of the pain of feeling nervous, because of the fear for a bad result.

OK now I'm just going to write a little note to myself when I find a job; things I will buy as soon as I get a job offer:
1) New iPad 32G in black with a fancy designer leather case, although I haven't decided whether to get a 4G/LTE package.
2) Two Giorgio Armani suits.

Hmm that's it!