Snow White

Although I know it sounds ridiculous to cry one's eyes out while watching Snow White and the Huntsman, I did for the entire 2 hours of the movie. The story is still a little fairy-tale-ish, but it's trying to give an important concept--a woman is most powerful when vulnerable. I cried a lot during the movie because it reminds me of what I am on the inside but extremely scared that others would take advantage of my vulnerability, like my family did. They criticize, scold, punish, or threaten me every time when I am emotional and vulnerable. This is also what my new self-help program is about; I need to accept and love my emotions regardless of how others judge them. At the moment I am still unable to express my emotions in front of my family; I saw the movie by myself today so there was no one near me to see me cry. However I am more able to show my emotions in front of men I date.

At the moment I feel a lot of fear about the job uncertainty again. And of course, I feel even sadder to know Ivan has his life perfectly on track whereas I am not in control of anything. Nothing can ever be in my control anyway. I can only do my best and whatever happens afterwards is not in my control.

I also feel very very lonely.