Falling

Last night Cato said he had a lot of things to do for the weekend but still went to dinner with me. During the dinner he talked about his frustration at work and I tried hard to be there to support and comfort him. After dinner he walked me home, and I told him he really didn't have to if he had a lot of things to do for the night; I also told him I felt bad for making him go to dinner with me and he replied "I go to dinner with you because I want to; you're not making me do anything," and I continued with a smile, "I've heard that before." I don't know if he knew what I was referring to and in fact I think my response was inappropriate. But I said that because Ivan said the exact same thing to me before; in the end he blamed me for making him change into someone else that he's not, ignore his friends, and everything and claimed that he was drunk so he wasn't responsible for any of those things. I hope Cato is a better man.

On the intersection next to my apartment, I was waiting for the traffic light and he was heading another direction for home. Then he kissed me, on that busy intersection, in front of two hotels full of tourists and pedestrians, in a downtown neighborhood where all my colleagues live. It was my first time to be kissed in such a public place (in the past most of the PDA took place at night clubs) and it was a very long passionate kiss. He did it twice. As he told me earlier that he is private about intimacy, we never even held hands in public (except for that one time) and I never tried to push him. But this time he took the initiative and we didn't even know if any of our colleagues was one of the pedestrians. The moment felt great; the whole universe was drawn to us, only us. Perhaps he was just showing me off, but at least it's better than not wanting to show me off at all. Then he kissed me on the forehead.

Now I don't feel insecure anymore. Today he didn't text or call me but I'm totally fine with that. I know he's thinking about me and I don't need all those formalities to reassure myself. I think I'm falling and he's falling too. It's time to let go and forget all the baggage from the past and begin a new chapter.