The passionate path of no one but me.

Today I was walking around in the city by myself and did some photoshooting. I was very surprised by the solitude and quietness of this place after being flooded by more than one thousand people's sweat and scream at a night club. While I was strolling down this path in this lovely neighborhood, I realized I was the only person on the street to see those passionate blossoms.

All of a sudden I became aware of the fact that I was lonely. Last night I had fun with Cato. We became familiar with each other very recently although we've known each other for more thana year now and somehow we get along really well. I have to say that the wisest things I've heard in my life all come from Cato. More interestingly, he's three years younger than me but he's already more successful than me.

Last night I think if I had more alcohol we could have hooked up already. But I was too sober to hurt our friendship and besides I'm not sure if he was being extremely nice to me last night or he's just nice to everyone in general. He did spend most of his attention and time on me though and he was a total gentleman to walk a mile with me to home, although he was supposed to hang out with his friends. And then I paid the cab for him to get home.

Am I ready to date? Am I good enough to date Cato? I have lost 10lb and still have 7lb to go. But the appearance is not what concerns me most; am I smart to enough to date Cato? He's an incredibly bright and nice guy and I am so scared of not being able to be a good girlfriend, like before. Life is so easy to just walk alone in the city and stop by a coffee shop whenever I want to. I would love it if someone could join me but I would hate it if someone I care about does not want to join me. It's the negation from the person I care about that hurts and the only way it does not hurt is not to open up my heart.

Why is evolution such a contradiction? Human beings are supposed to procreate yet evolution dictates this mechanism that prevents people from dating after being hurt over and over again. Is this the biggest flaw in the theory of evolution?

I need to stop thinking about this; I am best at running away, withdrawing feelings, and finding excuses. There is no way I'd fervently pursue anyone like I did to Ivan, Richard, or whoever. No way. If they don't come to me, then I won't feel a thing. If nobody comes to me, then I'll marry my career and my dog.

Cato is a dependable guy; I think he's someone I can trust completely. Should I try or not?