120km

So I left home around noon and got back to my neighborhood at 6pm for dinner. I drove about 120km in total today by myself. It’s a new route I’d never driven before and the view was absolutely stunning. Besides having my car parked for lunch, I was driving for most of the time and occasionally I’d park my car whenever I saw space with a great view and I’d take some photos.

This mountain road wasn’t an easy one, compared to the others I’ve driven. My Sienna is always too big for the City of Rain and on this particular mountain road, there’s a gutter on one side and the cliff on the other side with a lot of 180-degree turns. I had to be extra cautious with speed.

Today I left home with just a few things—my selfie stick/tripod, my phone and my black Speedy Bandouliere 20. I forgot to wear my Ultra 2 today and I didn’t notice that until I was already 10km away from home. I was anxious for a while, wishing I had my watch with me, but then I kept telling myself I didn’t need it and I’d be safe so eventually I let it go. Ever since my therapist asked me to find objects that make me feel safe, I’ve become somewhat dependent on my armors—my Sienna Limited, my Speedy Bandouliere 20s, my Divas’ Dreams and b.zero1, my Ultra 2, my 16 pro max are all my protection. I have no one to protect me so I can only rely on these things to be my armor. 

A while ago I also bought myself a weighted blanket and that becomes my protection at night. 

When I was stopping to take photos, I thought of how Ivan taught me photography when we were together. I saw images of him always carrying his SLR whenever we traveled and his face when he was taking photos. I also recalled the expensive accessories he got for his camera. Then I recalled how I used to travel alone and bring my G7 and a tripod with me to take photos. I stopped doing that after iPhone camera became too powerful. Today I got my tripod and my phone, and I wanted to take some nice photos, like I did in Sapporo over the summer.

My Sienna was parked along the cliff.