Make me laugh

 A couple of nights ago Richard and I video chat on WhatsApp. I recently created a LinkedIn account so he and I reconnected. Since he’s still working in a field relevant to mine I asked him if he’d be interested in an opportunity to be a visitor at my workplace with travels paid for. So we set up a meeting for Tuesday to talk about what he could bring to my company.

In our 30-min conversation we probably spent 25 minutes talking about life lol. He was very interested in what I was up to because we haven’t talked to each other for over 14 years. I told him I got married, gave birth, and my kids have autism and ADHD and now I’m getting divorced. His life is still pretty much the same—based in Europe, doing semi-philosophical institutional political economy stuff, travels trans-Atlantic almost weekly. I told him every year I fly trans-Pacific in business class and even once a year is too exhausting. He says his company only pays for premium economy, and I said I can’t handle sitting in the economy class long distance because it hurts my legs my back and when people need to go use the bathroom their body would touch mine. He said, “you know you’re talking to Kendra after just 30 seconds of talking to her.” He thinks the way I talk is still the same as when we met, and we met when I was 20 years old.

I asked him how he manages his marriage if he’s traveling long distance almost weekly, and his initial reaction was, “how’d you know I’m married?” I said, “you told me that? Oh wait, I think your brother told me that when we last met in the City of Rain.” He then said yes he got married in 2014 and she also travels a lot. Then we were gossiping about some mutual friends and he’s still so derisive and brutally honest about these folks and I just laughed so hard. I told him I deleted Facebook about 8 years ago and he said he thought I had just blocked him on Facebook. I said, “why would I block you on Facebook? I just don’t use it.”

Richard reminds me of the laughters I need in my life. Over the years, from my dating experiences, men who share my humor and sarcasm are never emotionally available, like Richard, Eric, Jes, and so many others I dated or work with. Why is that though? From my own recent trauma therapy, sarcasm is unhealthy because it often works as an armor or shield protecting some hurt that we’re afraid to voice. But once in a while it just still makes me laugh so hard. On my first date with Angel, I remember he could not make me laugh at all, and all my laughter came from myself laughing at my own jokes. Angel is too autistic to understand sarcasms and he doesn’t know how to laugh at jokes because autistic people can’t understand most jokes.

So I think what I need is someone who can make me laugh, make me cry (tears of joy), and hold me when I cry. Does someone like that really exist though? When I chat with other women, they often tell me that the man’s sense of humor is really important. Now I’ve learned that it’s not exactly just a sense of humor; it’s about how they relate to life and what they find funny in life. To have compatible humor two people’s brains need to be wired somewhat similarly and a lot of the wiring comes from life experiences and how we think. I must say most people who share my humor are highly educated, either with a master’s or a PhD. Angel’s family has zero humor except for his dad, but over the years his dad’s humor is dying out because his mom doesn’t like it.

I went to see One Battle After Another by myself last night and ran into some coworkers. It is a great political black comedy that pokes so many ironies in the US today.