The Northern Lights

Recently I've been thinking about where to go for Christmas. I need to book my trip asap before my mileage expires.

I've been thinking about a trip to London, Finland, and then finish the rest of the vacation in London. I hear London and the Nordic are gorgeous during Christmas, considering the hometown of Love Actually and Santa Claus. Also, I'd like to visit the Northern lights. I've seen almost all the nature wonders in the world. I think it's time to even travel farther to the North Pole and see the Northern lights.

Many people say that the Northern Lights bring great luck to those who can see them. But on wiki it seems like they're usually the symbols of wars or devils. I choose to believe in the good ones.

But how am I going to make my trip happen? I don't think I can travel alone because the idea of going somewhere so cold alone is quite terrifying. If I get sick during the trip I need someone by my side. My brother is definitely my best travel companion but he's too broke to go with me. All my other friends are either broke, too busy, or not interested.

If I see those lights, I will become extremely lucky and perhaps will finally meet X. But on the other hand, I want X to travel with me. It'll be dark for most of the time and there's no electricity in the North Pole. I need someone to read or talk with me. Is the idea of going to the North Pole alone too crazy?

I feel so lonely and sad. Recently Michael has been talking with me and he finally apologized for his verbal abuse the other day. He did a lot of reflection on the incident, but I haven't decided whether to get back together with him. Sometimes I feel so sad that I don't think we're compatible at all. Every time when I think of the time when he failed to tell me that the time when we were together meant so much to him, I withdraw into a dark hole. I have given up completely. X is imaginary. So many men have come and gone, but none of them chooses to love me and stay. Even Michael doesn't care about me that much. I ran into Sean a couple of times at work because he was taking one of Michael's classes, which coincided with one of mine. He never waited for me to finish work and walked me to the subway station, not to mention taking me to get some food. Michael did that a couple of times with me.

Ken's birthday is coming, and Sean's is the day after Ken's. I miss Ken today. I feel unusually heavy and sad today, and I miss Ken. I don't know why I miss him because I can't feel any romance attached to him. There are some good memories, but the pain that arises from thinking of him kills all the happiness we had.

Recently Modern Family has become one of my favorite TV shows. I often feel moved by the love they have in their family and wish I could have a family like that. Yet I often feel sad watching it because what they have seems to be so far away from where I am right now. I don't have a man in my life. There's no one I can start a family with. The family I have right now is all secretive, dishonest, and hysterical.