Wedding Triggers

Today I went to one of my best friends' wedding banquet. So Mary has been married to her husband for 1.5 years now but they never had the official wedding banquet until today. I felt so touched watching her husband holding her hand the entire time and couldn't help but wonder when that'll happen to me.

I was wearing a nice dress and the wedding made me feel very lonely. It was a small wedding and I don't think any guy there was available and nobody talked to me anyway.

So after the wedding I tried to text several guys I dated to see if any of them would like to take me out. I was feeling very beautiful in the floor-length chiffon dress and didn't feel like going home so soon. I asked Mark, Frank and PB. Here's what I got:

Frank wants to see me again but he's too tired to take me out.

Mark has finally made it clear that he doesn't want to be with me.

PB disappeared from Earth completely. I haven't seen him online for days; his phone doesn't work. I feel a little worried if something happened to him. Another possibility is that he left the City of Rain.

I cried on the train on my way back. I felt so lonely and scared, so unwanted. What I want is so simple, so pure, yet so difficult. He doesn't need to take me to fancy places or buy me fancy things; as long as he's always there and can be with me quietly and hold my hands and hug me every now and then. We can have a perfectly simple quiet life somewhere...

Someday one man will tell me, "I love you and I want to be with you. You're the most amazing girl in the world. Will you marry me?"

And I will cry and smile at the same time and tell him, "yes."