Why can’t you just take care of me once?

 I had my physical exam, 4 years after the previous one, yesterday and my main problems were obesity and severe dysautonomia; it’s so severe that my nervous system’s functionality is equivalent to a 75 year old’s. No wonder I cannot lose weight because my body isn’t working. I want to break down and cry for a month. I just don’t want to live like this anymore. 

Recently we have discovered that Little O is on the autistic spectrum, or has Asperger’s syndrome. Then I realized Angel definitely has it too. Then I realized I’ve also developed Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder. This explains everything. Little O is 4 years old but he still cannot poop in the toilet nor ride a bike. Angel has no life skills. My whole life I’ve been looking for someone who can take care of me, and this is what I’ve ended up with. Maybe I already had CADD in my upbringing. I just want to feel comfortable again; I’ve been feeling pain all over my body for the past 5 years and I really want to feel comfort. I can’t be dealing with all sorts of stubborn requests by Little O anymore. I need to breathe. I need to feel myself. I need to cry.

There’s no one else in the world who can take care of me. I’ve been living in my own fantasy. That kind of true love I’ve always wanted doesn’t exist. X doesn’t exist. No one can hear me or feel my pain.