"I met you in the summer
When you left it was cold
Said we loved one another
Guess that we were wrong
I met you in the summer
Our love was out of control
I've been going crazy without you
I'm so alone"

By Loving Caliber

I do not have any time to write as I have two full-time jobs at the moment--one that requires me to work from 7am to 5 or 6 pm every day, and one that requires me to work from 5pm to 7 am. My son is almost 14 months old. Time really flies. I am so blessed to have the life I have right now.

I heard this song by accident and it reminds me of my life back in the City of Gold. I tried to look for pictures I took in the City of Gold, and I could not find any on my phone. Somehow as I transferred from my previous iPhone to iPhone X, I decided not to transfer those photos. I made the transfer soon after my son was born.

I haven't written for so long. Writing is good for my well-being, but not having the time to write is something else.

I miss the City of Gold profoundly. I was single and lonely, and I know it sounds stupid to miss it. But what I'm really missing is that stage of life, where I could be young and stupid, skinny and sexy, provocative and naive, emotional and dramatic, unrealistic and dreamy. But of course, I was only 26, and now I'm 33. Time really flies.

I miss the time when I had Ken and Eric. It's a different kind of love, not that it was better than what I have now. At the stage of my life, I start to see a different definition of true love. There are many forms of love, and they're all true, but what I really want is the love that lasts forever, and I have it now. With Ken and Eric, it was not the kind of love that could last, but it was real at that point. It was the kind of love you write in fictions. That's right, because it's "fictional".

Argh. Maybe it's a sentiment that all mothers have. They probably all miss being young and single so they could charm whichever man they wanted, rather than working nonstop day and night and worrying your own child constantly. Motherhood is where women, or female mammals, or just female animals in general, sacrifice their life for their offspring. If some hippie tells you, "oh that is so wrong. You should still take care of yourself first; you should still sleep in the same room as your husband and have your child sleep alone in a separate room; you should still go on dates with your husband; you should still have your own life; you should still engage in your hobbies", etc, those are ALL bullshit. I cannot do any of those things because they violate my instincts, my very basic mother nature. I feel a strong urge to still take care of my sick child even when I'm also down with the same flu; I feel a strong urge to have him sleep next to me when he's crying sadly calling mama. Don't give me any of that behavioralist bullshit; I believe that's the root cause of Americans' drug overdose these days.

Until next time.