Back to the same fear.

Yesterday after work I drove to the shopping mall in downtown to buy the first Louis Vuitton bag and wallet in my entire life. I got a matching set of Speedy Bandouliere 20 and I put it on Angel's card. Why did I do it?

I am fed up with being invisible in front of him and his family. I shared the homeschooling plan that I spent over 100 hours to write, and even more hours to talk to people, to research, and to figure out the logistics with Angel and his parents. It turned out they didn't read it. For a week. After I got upset, Angel only skimmed through it and told me that the only difference he noticed was that I added a book to the plan, but in fact I added 20+ pages of plan. Then his mom texted me saying that it was comprehensive work, brava! I told her that unfortunately her son didn't read it. She replied that the Google translate made it difficult to read. I just cannot fucking believe it. Her son is almost 50 and she is still saying everything to mask her son's incompetence. It got me angry and I asked ChatGPT to generate a response that's not too sharp but honest. Then I was still very upset because I just feel that I can't live like this anymore. His parents' denial of his disabilities is fueling my frustration. They have never empathized the pain that I've been living with, and there's absolutely no way that they don't see it, unless they're too emotionally shutdown to do anything about it. Unless they're not normal either.

After I made the purchase of the bag and the wallet, I felt some hope and confidence again. I wanted to wear it if Eric and I ever meet up again. But then a part of me is feeling that fear again--the fear of having so much hope and trying to be optimistic again until everyone proves to me that they can't be there for me.