Still scared.

 Today I avoided talking about the bullying incident that happened to me and Little O yesterday. I went into fight mode, being very positive and passionate at work. If I recalled some of the words that the lunatic used to us yesterday, I got chills on my back so I avoided thinking about it.

Last night I couldn’t resist texting Jes: “have you ever punched anyone? Or, if someone bullies your autistic child, would you punch them? I almost did it today…”

At first the message wasn’t delivered. Then I decided to tell myself that he must have blocked me. Later I saw that the message was delivered. Today it showed that he’s read the message. I think that’s good enough for me. In the past he’d always delete me and block me but this time he hasn’t. It makes me wonder if he has something to say but can’t so he’d rather keep our chat available. On the other hand I know it’s unhealthy to be clinging onto him like that. I do interact with lots of people at work and they keep my mind off of him.

It’s just so unfair that we don’t get to meet. I almost want to fight for it but I can’t…