One can only dream.

I love you, my two boys. You are the gifts from the universe. I would do whatever I can do give you the best life you deserve. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy and going through all my ups and downs with me. I want to buy a house; I want you to grow up in our own home, designed for you. I want to buy a car, so we can travel to places and play our own music or stories on the road. You guys can paint the wall in our house, and we won’t have to worry about how the landlord would penalize us. You guys can kick the chairs in the car and eat the car without worrying about the cab driver yelling at you.

I want freedom for all of us, but freedom costs a lot. So much money that we can’t pay for. We are stuck, and I try not to let you guys see that. You guys might think this place is our house anyways and you’re comfortable in it. Your world is very simple and pure; you have so much entertainment in our house. Let mommy worry about this on my own. But really, no matter how I dream and worry, owning a place and a car seems impossible. After wishing for one year after another, it’s just not happening.

Mommy has learned not to pursue anything in life. I accept my fate, and I only take whatever is given to my hands. I could not choose my career because I needed money so badly; I took the first job that was offered to me and never applied for another job. I took the proposal from your dad, because he was the only man in my life who I didn’t have to pursue. I took my current job that was offered to me on the spot the first time my former boss met me at a party. I don’t pursue anything in life because I’ve learned my lesson. My whole life I’ve been dreaming about living in a nice big house with you guys and being a stay-at-home mom. Right now I have you guys, but I’m sorry I can’t buy a nice big house and I still have to work full-time. I hope you understand that I love nothing more than you guys, and I need to work to earn more money so that we can, maybe, one day own our dream house and car.

I love you guys so much, and I accept my fate for not giving me my dream house and my dream job, but I believe you guys deserve a better fate. I’m your mommy and I can make your life better. I want to make your life better, but now I’m stuck. I don’t know how to make a few million dollars more. Buying a house and a car will cost us $1.7m, and mommy has to keep working to pay off the mortgage and therefore needs to hire another nanny. All these expenses add up crazy. I don’t know what to do. I can only dream.