Sapporo 1

 I have just landed in Sapporo. While I was on the plane, I kept repeating the last few chapters of Pete Walker’s CPTSD audiobook. I cried a lot, and napped some. I barely had sleep last night. I went to bed at midnight and automatically woke up before 5am. I originally planned to wake up at 6:10am and drive myself to the airport at 6:30am. Oh yes, it was my first time driving myself to this particular airport for international travels. Interestingly I was alert enough to drive myself there safely.

While I was waiting in line for immigration, there was a family of three—a dad, mom, and a child who seemed to be mentally disabled with scars on his head and a brace on his arm. While they were waiting for the immigration officer to check their passports, this child was curious and wanted to check what the officer was doing, and his mom stopped him a few times with warnings. This child seemed to be 8 to 10 years old but he was scrawny. Upon seeing that the tears just rolled down my face. 

Even though the mom warned her child a few times, she wasn’t really scared or angry. She was smiling a bit. Everytime when Little O is disturbing other people, I get really triggered in fear and then feel angry. I get terrified by his behavior because I’m afraid someone else would get so triggered and become violent with him. But now I know from Pete Walker’s book that it’s an emotional flashback. This kind of paranoia is not necessary. When I saw that disabled kid’s mom being so gentle with his behavior, it just made me cry. 

The dad is also a small guy, but he was leading his family, standing in the front. He was paying attention to his wife and his kid. I wonder if they’re happy together. I think they are because if they weren’t, the mom wouldn’t be so emotionally stable. Maybe the dad can be emotionally attuned to the mom so they can raise this challenging kid together with fulfillment.