COVID again

 I am currently having a ten-day road trip with my kids and my parents. I’m the only driver and I’ve driven to places I’ve never been to before, entirely thanks to Garmin GPS. Today is Day 5 and I’ve been fighting COVID for three days now. This reminds me, in June last year, we also caught COVID on the Alaska cruise, or actually we may have caught it in Vancouver before we boarded the cruise. The kids had high fever and Angel stayed completely horizontal at the hotel almost the entire week we were there. When he gets sick, he can just completely forget about the world and get as much rest as he needs. Then who had to do childcare? Obviously it was all me, even when I was sick too. A year later, I’ve caught COVID while traveling again, but this time without Angel. The work I’m doing is nothing less than what I had to do this time last year when we had Covid, but at least I don’t have to see him being bedridden the whole time, not even being able to stand up to make some milk for the kids. He is weaker than a woman and I’m just absolutely fed up with that.

While being sick, I’m still the only one driving, taking care of the kids most of the time, getting my sleep disrupted by the kids, figuring out the logistics for everyone. It’s a lot of work and sometimes I wonder if life would be better if Angel was there. The answer is no. Because that would mean I’d have extra emotional burden of living with his selfishness, severe limitations—he absolutely does not think of anyone or worry about the kids basic needs when he’s sick. He simply passes the buck to me and he’s not gonna spend extra money to make my life easier. That’s what happened in Vancouver. I took the kids to the Science World on my own and it was my first time visiting and driving in Canada. I went to find guavas and some specialty snacks for the kids because they were too sick to eat normally; I had to get them things that they really loved to keep them hydrated. While I was still fighting COVID last summer, I still took the kids for a hike in Alaska and did a 16km bike trail in Anchorage, being the one to pull both kids in a Burley. Then my knees busted from that bike ride.

My road trip right now is not easier or harder than the trips we had before with Angel. It’s not easier because I do have a bit more work to do without a lousy backup; however it’s easier because I don’t need to feel lonely while my partner is right next to me. That kind of weight is the heaviest of all—you have a partner but you feel absolutely lonely and abandoned and neglected. I’d rather be alone and free, although I’m not exactly free yet because Angel is stalking our divorce.

There’s a typhoon near where we are right now so we arrived here in a big storm. When we tried to go out for dinner from our resort it was storming so badly but now it’s quieting down. If the weather is better tomorrow, I hope to be able to connect with the ocean, the mountains and the sun in this beautiful place.