Happy 2010

2009 was a year of loss. I lost my career, lost my life, lost my trust to people who I used called friends, and just a few days before 2010, I also lost the man of my life.

Ivan just got his degree and he wants to go back to his hometown for good while I could not compromise with a life in a place where I never want to be. He decided that we would not have a future and broke up with me. He chose his family over me.

I had a difficult time getting over it, and maybe I will never be able to get over it. However, I think I matured in this relationship. At least I now know what a long-term relationship is like and how much I don't want it in the future. But that's not the most ironic thing; the most ironic thing is that I learn to define love through breakups. Was I loved in this relationship? Yes, I was loved all the way until Ivan chose his family over me, because I would never choose my family over him.

Wait, so did I learn "love"? Or I only learned "what love is not"? After some debate within my mind, I believe it's the former. At least now I know that if I love a person, I am willing to fight agasint all odds for him, so he didn't love me as much as I do to him. Also, we're gradually estranged from each other, and perhaps someday, we'll never talk again.

Today I watched a movie called "Ex". It's an Italian romantic comedy released in 2009. It helped me think a lot about "the one", which was the first time after the wakening strike by He's Just Not That Into You. Who is the one? What is the one? Do you know if someone is the one? How do you know if someone is the one? I do not know but now I know that Ivan is not the one; he broke up with me twice during our 1-year relationship. He's always been scared and fed up with me but I forced this relationship to happen, and now I get my results.

But anyway, it's all past now. 2010 will be a year without loss. Why? Because....
My current scoreboard:
Love: 0
Career: 0
Friends: 0 (excluding my dog, brother, one really old friend)
Cash: 0
Weight: Lots to lose.

None of the above items can go negative except that I really need to lose weight this year; I want to go back to 115lb again yet losing 5lb is so difficult for me...

Lastly, a few pictures to share: